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Intuition Orphan: "Clayton Purdom"
Unreleased (2009)

There are a few things to know about CMG. A) We, despite frequently claims to the contrary, are not major. We will neither make nor break anyone. Real PR institutions “get” this, and so pay us very little heed. The world continues to turn. B) We spend a lot of time on these reviews. It may or may not seem like this, but we do, which is why we don’t do very many of them. So if you kindly send us a record or track or something, we may truly enjoy it , but often we’re spending too much time on other shit that people apparently need to read our take on (say, the Hold Steady) and so just don’t get around to it. Please don’t be upset with us. See A) for reasons why.

However: C) If you ignore A) to the point that Intuition Orphan has, we will ignore B) and probably give you some press despite more reader-friendly options. Because, here: Intuition Orphan wrote a song about me. It’s called “Clayton Purdom.” So am I, and that’s weird. The only rough correlation between me and the given piece of music is that at one point they spell my name, although they claim it spawned from some dream involving me and Norm MacDonald. Who knows. It’s also worth noting that, unlike what remains (sorry, Intuition Orphan) the greatest song ever written about a Cokemachineglow writer, “Is This Childish Enough Sean Ford,” I have had some contact with the band at hand, mostly just saying what I said in the first paragraph here. We aren’t major but we are busy. Don’t fret us, we’re just worried about our own dicks. Best of everything.

For the record, I’m a little disappointed in myself that I didn’t inspire a song I like more. It’s good enough; it’s its own thing. From the nasal incantations and tense burbles we’ve clearly got a Subtle disciple here, and I wonder if they don’t realize I’m sorta the Subtle spoilsport on CMG’s staff. Or if they care! Lol. They sorta shot themselves in the flip-flop by sending me this VLOG a week later. Because nothing spoils a weird almost cultish mystique like knowing the druids at hand enjoy Pringles. Also, the video riff on chicks (or something) has even less to do with me than my song, which means at this point they’re just titling shit after me to see if I’ll bite. Whomp: I’m a slut. Write me a concept record and I’ll pitch you guys to the Chicago Reader.

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Clayton Purdom | 10/14/2009 |                

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9people have commented.
Pillowhead
14 October 2009

They?

1

cp
14 October 2009

he? it? we?

2

Pillowhead
14 October 2009

flip flop=error

3

cp
14 October 2009

we’ve discovered an immortal truth today

4

intuitionorphan
15 October 2009

intuitionorphan is jayson nessi.

jayson nessi is not in the video, and yet he does pander;

he panders out of catharsis and while seeking major external validation. he had a scary dream once where clayton purdom took the form of norm macdonald who stood with his arms crossed, judging him as he preached from an alter.

keep an eye out for intuitionorphan’s all-autotune remix of Martin Luther King Jr. Whopper With Cheese to drop early ’05.

5

cp
15 October 2009

a daily ops comments section exclusive! new shit! barack odrama!

6

Christine
16 October 2009

I’m curious…What does intuition orphan mean exactly?

As for (B), particularly “we’re spending too much time on other shit that people apparently need to read our take on (say, the Hold Steady)” I don’t get in the habit of reading your opinions on albums I’m already going to get and make my own opinion on. Maybe that’s weird, but I’d much spend my time reading cmg’s reviews on albums and bands I know nothing about or can’t make my mind up about. But that’s just me. I don’t know about other people.

7

intuitionorphan
16 October 2009

christine

almost all of us have eyes, and most of them can see, but very few of our eyes understand what it means to be seen.

Remember how lonely it was being a child? Imagine never being able to shake that; never being able to step away from it and instead being perpetually stuck so curiously and firmly within it that you spin between two hyperboles- getting caught within the glare of others and knowing you could help them if only you had learned how to help yourself first.

Intuition orphans sell little parts of themselves day in and day out so that they may get to know one another just the smallest amount. No one ever told them they could change everyone, but they knew.

Though intuition orphans are perpetually losing their voice and forgetting their name, they See people. Whether or not People know it, they need to be Seen, for who they are, and what they are capable of.

8

Mark Abraham
20 October 2009

I am absolutely willing to help anybody make up their mind on Miley Cyrus’s newest album. Answer: awesome!

9

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