A Door That Doesn't Close

Dear Tom Waits,

Did you see that Kanye video?

Clay

***

Hi Clay,

I don’t really get invited to parties, but that’s because I can’t be reached. I nailed my mailbox shut with rail spikes. I drowned the telephone in the bathtub. My computer screen is a dusty black mirror. No, I arrive at parties under my own steam, creak open the door and stand gaggle-framed on the porch. “Won’t you let me in?” I’ll be the bowler hat in the corner, having a conversation with your cat.

...read more

⊙ Keyword Tags: Ask Tom Waits

permanent link ::

Crave the Gunk

Dude,

you need to start doing these again. they were awesome.

sincerely,

paul

***

Paul,

Finding the time has been a hag’s hell. That’s what happens when you have realizations in sheaves: first that your typewriter isn’t connected to the internet; second that it’s possessed by spirits and so you dismantle it and incorporate the pieces into a trumpet that when played emits the voice of Christopher Plummer reciting French Quarter poetry. God damn the thing, it needed reconstitution! Now my wife and my good boy and I include it around the table, treat it like the haunted pet it is and there’s only marginally more doom in the house than usual. I’ve named it Gaunt the Typewriter. The family is furious with me.

...read more

⊙ Keyword Tags: Advice, Tom Waits

permanent link ::

The Sleazy, Lipstick-Stained Now

Dear Tom,

I live in a city that rains all the time. It really bums me out. I grew up in the southwest desert and miss the open space and recklessness. Things like dessert dust and old Spanish are replaced by wet socks and depression. How should I cope?

...read more

⊙ Keyword Tags: Advice, Tom Waits

permanent link ::

On the Waters Somewhere...

Dear Tom,

I have a problem. My “Blue Valentine” and I moved in together last month. At first it was great, but now we can’t agree on anything. We’re fighting all the time. What should I do?

...read more

⊙ Keyword Tags: Advice, Tom Waits

permanent link ::