It's come to my attention that I dedicate more of my near-endless reserve of vitriol to insipid acts than I do to the flat out bad ones. Is this folly? Perhaps. But as sure as Omarion has rockin' abs I'm not going to be able to keep from running my mouth when I hear some flaccid vocal noodling over a drop-D jerkoff. To wit: fuck you, Mat Kearney. First of all, and I think I speak for all of us here, you dropped a T somewhere, pal.

Second, what exactly was it that made you think that the world could withstand a mashup of Jack Johnson and Everlast? Slow monotone white guy rap wasn't a real good "idea" back then, and it's not really an "idea" whose time has arrived. You're not the guy that's finally gonna make this work. Lou Reed's the only guy who really ever made it work and even he knew not to push it. If you want to set up Mike Shinoda as the exemplar of success in your little pygmy half-genre, then that's music that you may want to keep to yourself. Or, you know, play it at parties while your drunk friends sing along or whatever.

If you refuse to heed this advice, Mat(t), then I'll review everything you release and hitchya wit' 23's, "dog." For now let's just hook you up with a motto:

Mat(t) Kearney: dedicated to the profusion of music that didn't need to be around in the first place.

I realize that this may seem an overly harsh reaction to music that could accurately be described as "inoffensive," but the more of these jokers we let slide by now, the more diluted pop music becomes. So consider me the guardian at the gates; taking borderline acts and bouncing their mark asses from an exclusive club called Listenable Jams. You're welcome.

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